I feel like I have a ceramic heart, because as a cook I know that ceramic can be used to sharpen steel, it is so rigid.

That is also its downfall, when it is dropped or knocked it will break itno pieces.

Sometimes my heart is so rigid that I won’t let others in because of something that they have done, or something that I have perceived that they have done.

I have cut myself off from many this way

There are times when I feel slighted by the smallest things. They don’t have to even be said or an action. Sometimes its just what I perceive. Then my heart will break.

I think that this comes from my childhood, when I took things so personally, but I was small and I didn’t know how else to take them!

Am I so frozen in my patterns this will never change? Well I keep reinforcing it in a lot of ways so progress is slow. The other day I was taking part in a conversation where a person that I didn’t know said something racist. I said to him “That’s just racist”

The conversation went in a different direction. But I made sure I introduced myself when he left. Next week I found myself at a table playing crib across from him. Seems like a nice guy. He has some beliefs that I don’t, but that doesn’t make him a throw away like I used to believe.

There are days I feel so broken that the mountain looks unscalable. There are days when the light is everywhere. In both those situations it would behoove me to look around and realize that it is neither as good or bad as it seems.