I’ve found the handle to the door, to the room that has the mystery of my life in it, again. I don’t know why I went walk about in the first place. I think that it had to do with me thinking that I wasn’t going to get my way. I threw all humility out and started to swim in the ocean of fear again, led by my ever so clever ego.

Has it been worth it I have to ask myself. I am so far from shore I constantly think that I am drowning. I come up for air only to drop back and start swallowing water again. Yet there it hangs, the handle to the door that opens into the room that contains the mystery of my life.

The handle is you God of Light. If I reach up and grasp the handle and turn, I see me, in you. The room holds you, me and all the versions that I have tried to pass off. Can I be happy with being my true authentic self ? First off do I know what that truly is ? Can you help me me as I go through this patch of insanity ? Trying to round up all my persona’s into a cohesive soul is quite a task that is only exacerbated by my acting out.

I’m going to try again, because I can’t, nor do I want to live this way. I slipped back into the dark again and I want to be in your light. I think that I will turn the handle on that door, so that I can look the mystery of my life full on and take what comes.