As I sit here, listening to the lawnmower chug through the ankle high grass. Looking at the majestic cedars cut conical shapes into the clear blue of the northern BC sky. I wonder about where I will be in two days.

I am going to the Yukon. Hiking in the beauty that I have only seen in shows, or ads. I will walk alone.

I don’t know if this will be how our marriage ends. I know we are trying to make it work, to come together over the mountains that strew the emotional landscape of our relationship.

I have come to realize that just like this trip I can only walk through this alone. I must heal myself to make it over the rubble of years of wreckage. I can’t go into this a broken man, hiding from my own brokenness.

I would love to have a moment of Nirvana up on the slopes of Kluane national park, but I don’t think that is how things work in my recovery.

Instead I will hike, one foot in front of the other. Watching the ground for rocks and holes that can spell disaster. I will look at what is around me and stare in wonder at what has been wrought.

This is how I will make it through both mountain ranges. One day I will stand looking around me, taking in the beauty and one day in the future I hope I can stand  there with you.