I am standing across the road from our home. I see the light from the windows. I know that there is life within and yet I don’t want to go in. I stand there musing that if I just walk away I will be able to break the timeline.  Walking on into a new reality, one full of the unknown, where life goes on.

You see, I can hear the footsteps of death coming. They are in front of me. They walked into my Fathers life, on Good Friday. They were there as I dined on roast goose with my Mother, wondering whether it would be the last time. I see it in the splintered pine as I walk, down by the river.The black of the Raven, as it dines on what was once alive.

I am standing in the middle, unborn children behind, ash’s of my Father ahead. What I leave is now, an ephemeral thing, it floats in my mind, as the diamonds, twinkling in the snow, dance in my eye’s, a flash and gone.

I want to be warm. I want to be bathed in light, to live in Love. I don’t know what happens to these things in death. I have lived with coldness in myself for so much of my past, I don’t know if I can go back to it. I need to store up so much of the light that I will never be in the dark, cold again. I look up into the clear, radiant blue of the sky and let it soak into my soul.

I will find the sparkle of the diamonds in your eye’s, if I look long and hard enough. I will feel the warmth of your heart, if I hug you, and give you the warmth in mine. Together we build a vessel that can withstand the dark cold. A vessel that will ride on the waves of light, in an ocean of warmth. A vessel called Love.

I turn the handle on the door, putting myself back into the timeline. I walk back into the light and warmth. What other choice was there, really ?

One day I will hear the footsteps, loudly behind me, only I hope that I will also hear the beating of wings. I want to fly with the Raven. I want to ride into the sky. This is my most fervent wish, that I can look and see all that I have encountered and all that is to come. I don’t know if I have the capacity in myself to encompass all that. With Love I will try, as I hear the bells chime.