I’m so tired.

I have trodden this road for so many years. The channel carved into my life getting so deep I have no hope of seeing over the edges. I see no respite, only a deeper groove in the future. It is a time of deep melancholy, and dull throbbing pain.

How did I get to this spot ? How did I get to the point where the numbing loneliness has permeated my bones, the tears have tainted my blood. Its been a long time since there has been any true light shining on me. In my memory there has never been any that I can recall. Glimpses, but not sustained luminescence. The glimpses grow less with time, only a fleeting memory.

Soon the last vestiges of hope will slip away, to lie tattered in the channel of despair. Then the thought will come again. the one where the futility of the walk comes into question. Leaving me with the only choice. Make the pain go away.

I remember this. It keeps me safe.