I’ve been away for so long, on a journey through lostness, through vague and undefinable terror, and desperation.

I can’t say exactly when or where I started this walk, but it’s been a long time. I have been buffeted by many fears, compromises, surrenders and sufferings. All in which I have been complicit, only because I was there.

I have no delusions that the stage wasn’t already set before I was born, but it is hard not to take it all to heart, to think that I could have made a difference. What a burden to put on a child.

I have held that child in my arms, looked into his eyes, and told him I love him. He is so grateful. He can blossom today, after a long drought. I feel him growing inside of me, to fill the, devoid of love, husk that was there, awaiting either substance, or to be blown away, coming to rest snagged on a fence, or picked at by crows.

I am finally here at home, awash in love. I watch the life around me, and wonder, why was it so hard to find home ?