Breathe, breathe in the pain. Breathe, do it again.

I sit at his bedside, as he breathes a few breaths and then stops for 30 seconds. Each time I hope it is the last time he starts again.

Touch, touch his shrivelled hand. Touch, do it again.

Why do I sit here telling him I love him ? He was like a mirror. If I could love him, maybe he could love me.

Watch, watch him before my eyes. Watch, do it again

His eyes half shut, staring blankly.I wonder where he is. I have always wondered where he was.

Look, look around at his family. Look, do it again

I see the pain and longing in our eyes. No return, only forward to the time of no breath. I listen to him breathe, stop, breathe, stop. I can reach out a hand and make it stop.

Remember, remember the last words, to me. Remember, do it again.

I got there and said ” Hi Dad “. At the beginning he still saw me. He struggled to say             ” Hello Peter “.  I saw my Father, clearly,  for the first time that day.

Wake, wake up its time. Wake, do it again.

Lisa says that he has died. Mike and I go to his side. I am afraid I will crash the car. We say our final goodbye, and kiss him on the cheek. We bury him. I have had time, and I start writing.

Breathe, breathe out the pain. Breathe, do it again