I hear disturbing news of your connection to this world. You have been hospitalized. You want to cut the drapes down. You mistrust the woman who you have been  married to for over 50 years.

Should I care ? I never had  a healthy connection with you anyway. Under your tutelage I found that I could not find myself, no matter where I looked. I only saw your damming shadow where ever I looked.

Ya, Ya, I know that you didn’t become my Father from a healthy place. You are a product of your time, and certainly not the only influence on my  life. Did you ever know how to show love ? I saw it only rarely.

I have worked on making peace with you, and it has borne fruit. I know that Mother loves you, and treats you with tenderness, but I have miles to go. You are alone now. Perhaps that is where my empathy can come from. I know when I was crouched on that floor in LA saying ” I am so alone ” that I have never felt such pain.

Feeling alone, and bewildered is a place that I can relate too. I hope that I get one more chance to tell you that I love you.

Perhaps I can feel it more than the last time.