I was so tired.

I had been carrying this all my life. This pain, hate, and fear. I could tell you a thousand reasons and excuses. I could spin you a story that would have you nodding your head in agreement. ” How could people be so cruel “, ” You never got any breaks “, ” I don’t know how you survived ”

All of it may be true. My mind is an unreliable filter, at times. I viewed things through the patina of  abandonment, sorrow and suffering.  I can tell you that enough of it was true that I had to use many crutch’s to help me carry it.

It had filled my heart, and kept it closed for my entire life. How could I have room for you ? I knew it, I held it tight, it proved a buffer against getting hurt again.

There is one problem though, it had gotten so heavy I couldn’t find a crutch big enough to help me carry it. It was more dense than a black hole, and just as heavy. It swallowed all that was good in my life, all the light.

Everyday it was harder to carry, I started to spiral down into that black hole. When I thought that I had gone too far, and there was no hope, you reached in from the other side and pulled me out. You showed me that the light was all still there. I just had to make the effort to reach in and hold onto it.

I stand here today, and bask in the sunshine. The light isn’t always kind, and not always flattering, but it never lies. Now that I have put my burden down I look up into the blue and feel love flow through my open heart.

Please, lay down your burden, and walk with me, hand in hand, heart in heart, in the light of love.